"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Hard times

I had a very hard time this week. I was feeling my guilty feelings for not being able to carry a baby. I went to far as to apologize to my husband that he had married a failure. That he should have found someone who could have a baby for him. I know, I know, I was not thinking clearly, but I guess that's what grief will do to a person. It's funny the times when grief will hit me. I told my husband that maybe it's because February is right around the corner and last February I lost my 4th baby. It gets harder for me around the anniversary of the miscarriages. As well as the due dates. But as hard as it still can be, I am getting better. I don't think that I will ever get over it, but it gets better with time. I really don't know what to say right now, but I just had to put myself out there and be real with you. I still have very hard times, but hey, we can be in it together and help each other through it.

Lord, please help us with our grief. Please put your hand of comfort on all of us who need it. Thank you for who you are and what you do. I love you.

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