I had a very awesome God-moment last night and today. I found out last night that a couple in my town (who have had at least one miscarriage) are 12 weeks pregnant once again. While there was a part of me that was excited for them (cause I know what it's like to lose a baby), there was another part of me that was feeling jealous, hurt, and even a little angry that it wasn't me getting the blessing.
I admit I felt bad that those were some of my first thoughts. Then I wanted to cry. While crying is not always a bad thing, I was not at a place where I needed a pity party. If I allowed myself to feel bad any longer than I did, I was going to sit there and be stuck. So what did I do?
I did the only thing I could to help me out of the pit. I prayed and read my Bible. I prayed and asked forgiveness for my jealousy, and specifically prayed for this new life and the blessing that he or she will be for the parents. I prayed protection over the baby and that the pregnancy would be happy and healthy. Then I asked God to just be my comfort when it seemed as if there was no comfort on earth. I then studied a few verses about how God comforts us in times of trials.
I felt so much better last night and I was able to sleep great and not even wallow in my self-pity. Then I woke up this morning and I didn't even think about my hurt from last night. I couldn't believe the freedom and joy that I was feeling in that moment.
Ok, no, I'm not superwoman. I'm not able to get over things with super-human strength of my own. There are even days that I have to give up my selfish feelings a hundred times. But I've also found that the more I give it up, the less I have to do it on an hourly (or minute-by-minute basis).
Freedom does not come over-night. How well I know this. It's a process. It will take many "over-nights" and many days of struggling. But may I just say that the moment that you are able to be totally free and experience the joy of the Lord in the midst of your toughest trial, it is like flying as free as a bird. Soaring above the earth without a care in the world.
Only when you reach this point can you even know what I'm talking about. But I pray right now that as you read this, if you do not know this kind of joy and freedom, that God would lead you down the path to this. It's the only true way to live your life.
I pray for this reader. I pray that you would allow them to experience true freedom and true joy that is from You. To feel as if they are flying above the earth without a care in the world, even in the midst of their trials. God, You are the God of miracles, of healing, and of broken chains. Break chains and perform miracles in these precious hearts.
In Your Precious and Holy Name we pray,