Ok, I'm coming up on an anniversary date. I'm doing better than I thought I would be at this point. But we haven't hit the actual day yet. I'm not sure if it will be harder than I think, or if I'm actually doing better with things. I found a necklace that I want in a catalog yesterday. It has a larger pendant that has a cross on it, and then you can get different birthstone charms to add to it. I decided that I want this necklace to wear when I'm needing to remember my "angels." I can make a point to wear it on the rough days.
Sometimes the hardest thing about it, is that I feel like my babies are forgotten just because they weren't born into this world. My biggest fear is that they will be forgotten, or that they won't be considered a life just because nobody saw them. I know they were here even if just for a short while. Even if I never held them in my arms. They did matter, and they still matter to me and God. It may seem very corny to say, but I can't wait to get to Heaven and be able to hold them and spend eternity getting to know them.
One thing that I have learned through all of it, is that God never leaves my side. He's always with me, and He really does have a plan, even if it's not what I had planned. He sees what we can't, and that's where I have to trust Him. So far He has not actually let me down, even when I think He has. I thank Him for getting me through each day.
Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to bear what I've been through. I do know that you have a plan for me even when I don't understand it. I thank you for showing me just a few things so far that make your plan worthwhile even in the midst of my pain. I want to fully trust you, and be content where you have me. To know that you won't give me more than I can handle. I love you so much.