"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

e-mail address


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Holding on to God for dear life

Right now the title of this post says it all. I was hoping that I would not have any new personal stories to share about myself (just the old ones) but I guess God has another plan for me.

My husband and I were planning to start clomid this summer (still are I think) and while we were waiting to start it with my next cycle, I happened to get pregnant on my own. I knew I ovulated, but I wasn't sure if anything happened at the right time. It did.....and I was about 5 weeks along and just lost the baby. It started last night, and it's a said and done deal as of this afternoon.

I'm doing pretty good, a little disappointed, but otherwise good. I'm not sure if I'm still in shock or what. I expect there to be tears eventually, but for now I'm just trying to recover.

It's a big reminder to me how I need my Lord. He's the only one who can get me through times like this. And I'm not without hope. I know where my baby is. I know that he/she is in the arms of Jesus being rocked to sleep and hearing heavenly lullabies.

I still wish it was me doing it, but I couldn't ask for anyone better than Jesus to be holding my babies right now.

Even though I'm hurting right now, if you're feeling the same pain that I am (emotionally) know that my arms are hugging you right now...and not only my arms, but the same arms holding my babies are holding you too.

God bless you and keep you.

Monday, May 10, 2010

God moment

Wow. it's been way too long since I posted. It's been my tough season. But you know, I've done better this year than I have in the past. I'm learning to be content where God has me and to appreciate what He has given me. It doesn't mean I don't grieve over what was lost, but learning to appreciate what I have makes it easier.

Mothers day is easier now that we have our daughter. I remember before she came into the picture and Mothers day would come around. I'd be at church with my family and they'd tell me to stand up and be recognized as a mom. I would feel so awkward because not everyone knew my situation. That I had children, they just lived in Heaven not with me. Now I get to stand proud and I'm not ashamed.

I have to share a God-thing with you. But first a little history. My husband and I decided to try again this summer with the clomid. We have 4 tries for now. The day that I went to the doctor (last week Tuesday) I think God sent me an angel. I'm certain of it.

They are doing road construction between my town and the one closest to us and I had to drive through the road construction to get to my doctors office. I ended up being stuck there for like 10 minutes. But God had a plan I'm sure of it. The lady holding the stop sign came over to talk to me. We joked around a little and started talking about our families. Eventually she asked me if I had kids. So I told her that my husband and I adopted a teenage daughter last year. She was impressed that we would adopt a teenager. She then asked if we weren't able to have kids and I told her so far we haven't been able to. She then asked me if I believed in Jesus. I told her absolutely! Then she asked if I trusted her and I said yes. She reached her hand in my van, laid her hand on my belly and prayed the most heartfelt prayer I've ever heard prayed over me. It was amazing. She prayed that God would open my womb and allow us to have a baby.

Now, I can't say that this is the magic cure-all, but it made me feel good that God thought so much of me and cared so much about my situation that He would send someone to pray for me. It would be great it if works, but I know HIs will is perfect and I accept His will for my life.

I just had to share what God has done for me. He is such an awesome and loving God.

I hope that you can feel His love around you as much as I can feel HIs love. Cause He loves you so much and only wants the best for you (even when the best feels like the worst...been there, done that).

Anyway, I better go. It's late and I really should get some sleep. God bless you all and lots of love to you as well.