"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Life is going on

I've been doing better, but yet some things are not getting better. I've been having a really hard time sleeping.

I really think I just might have to go and see my daughters counselor. I have a hard time getting to sleep and when I finally do, I usually have a bad dream about losing or forgetting something really important. Sometimes it's things, but sometimes it's people.

Each time I have one of these dreams all I think about is my Lily and how much I miss her. Which in turn starts the cycle all over again.

I've started taking an al-natural sleep aid, but if I don't take it I go backwards. And I don't like having to take a sleep aid for too long. So therefore I just might have to go see a counselor.

I guess this is part of what I have to go through with the grief process, but it's still so hard.

I have decided for right now I can't handle being pregnant again. I just can't handle a loss like that another time. So for now we are done trying.

I know that this kind of loss is early on, but anyone that has experienced one knows that it's still a very real loss.

So right now I will just keep going on, and learning to live without my babies once again. I will hold on to God and let Him carry me through.

God bless you all, and remember to keep holding on to God through your trials.

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