"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Friday, May 24, 2013

Where I've been

One thing has been a bit strange this week as we are on vacation and visiting my husbands brother and wife. We visit them having our 3 kids and it keeps hitting me that they wanted a child so bad and will probably not have children to call their own. There are many reasons for this and it includes them not being able to have biological or adopt children. I got to their house this week and we have our 2 teenage girls and our baby boy and I feel terrible sometimes that we have what they have wanted as much as we wanted it. I remember what it was like to be childless and long to be a mommy. Then to get pregnant multiple times and lose those babies before ever getting to hold them. I know that I was blessed to be able to adopt my children, but it doesn't stop the pain of seeing other women look at me with the looks I used to give women with children. I don't like to see women hurting because they want what I have. If I could I would find them a child to love and hold for their lifetime, but God has a plan for their lives and if it includes children, those children will come. If children are not in the picture, He has other plans for them and they are great plans. But in the midst of it, those words are not comforting...that I also remember. I absolutely don't want to be a woman who forgets where I came from and what it was like before we had children. When my arms and my heart ached so bad that it was sometimes a literal pain. I want to remember so that I can be sensitive to those around me and also to be able to read their reactions and emotions so I know what might be going on inside them. I just pray that God uses me in a powerful way to continue to minister to these women who are where I've been.

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