Broken, weary, raw emotions....I could go on and on. This is how I feel right now. It seems as if I spend most of my days trying to take my thoughts captive and get rid of the negative ones. I refuse to go back to my angry and bitter life, but it gets tough when the enemy slams the past into my face so many times a day. I am choosing to be content with the fact that I will more than likely not ever have my own child, and I'm even ok with the fact that I don't hink we are supposed to adopt again either. But sometimes the jealous bug gets to me and I have a hard time with it. I've been spending some time really trying to search out what God has for Scott and I to do. I know there's got to be more than we are doing, but I just don't know what yet.
Sometimes I feel like my life is just not what it should be. Like there's so much more that I should be doing, but I can't figure it out yet. And I have this longing to do so much more with my life. I question the gifts that God has given me and I wonder which ones I should be focused on right now. What is my true purpose in life?? Why am I here? How can I make a difference?
I am choosing to have the joy of the Lord and I'm choosing to be content where I am right at this moment...but please know that it's not from me being some super-christian "praise the Lord" kind of person. It's from spending my days consciously taking thoughts captive and getting rid of the negative ones...and repeating numerous times "I am content where God has me" and "I do have the joy of the Lord". Please know that I'm not any different than you are, I struggle with all sorts of things.
Please pray that I would be able to continue to be free from the anger and bitterness and that I would choose to have the joy of the Lord and be content...and I will pray the same for you.
God bless you and keep you!