Struggles

Broken, weary, raw emotions....I could go on and on. This is how I feel right now. It seems as if I spend most of my days trying to take my thoughts captive and get rid of the negative ones. I refuse to go back to my angry and bitter life, but it gets tough when the enemy slams the past into my face so many times a day. I am choosing to be content with the fact that I will more than likely not ever have my own child, and I'm even ok with the fact that I don't hink we are supposed to adopt again either. But sometimes the jealous bug gets to me and I have a hard time with it. I've been spending some time really trying to search out what God has for Scott and I to do. I know there's got to be more than we are doing, but I just don't know what yet.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just not what it should be. Like there's so much more that I should be doing, but I can't figure it out yet. And I have this longing to do so much more with my life. I question the gifts that God has given me and I wonder which ones I should be focused on right now. What is my true purpose in life?? Why am I here? How can I make a difference?

I am choosing to have the joy of the Lord and I'm choosing to be content where I am right at this moment...but please know that it's not from me being some super-christian "praise the Lord" kind of person. It's from spending my days consciously taking thoughts captive and getting rid of the negative ones...and repeating numerous times "I am content where God has me" and "I do have the joy of the Lord". Please know that I'm not any different than you are, I struggle with all sorts of things.

Please pray that I would be able to continue to be free from the anger and bitterness and that I would choose to have the joy of the Lord and be content...and I will pray the same for you.

God bless you and keep you!

Good song

I found a really good song that is about losing a baby. It's written by Dennis Jernigan for his son and daughter-in-law who recently lost a baby through miscarriage. It really touched my heart....listen to it and let it touch your heart. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTgkjAYKgBo

** ok, I'm kind of computer illiterate. I might someday figure this out. For right now I found out it does work to copy and paste this link into your internet browser thingy and then go to it like that. thanks for putting up with my computer illiteracy....lol. God bless you!

Still Learning

I'm still learning so much from the Lord. He seems to want to teach me many lessons at once, or maybe they are all the same lesson and I have yet to tie them together.

I'm learning how to let go and let God....in every area of my life.

I'm learning how to be content (truly content) in everything.

I'm learning how to have the joy of the Lord everyday.

They all seem to be connected. When I truly let go and I'm content I see the joy of the Lord in my life. So I guess I can't learn one lesson without the other.

Because this freedom and letting go is so new to me, I have found that it's a choice I have to make everyday. I have to consciously say to myself, "I choose to be content, I choose to let ____ go, and I choose to have joy today."

I've had quite a few days lately when I've had those old feelings creep up and I have to "take my thoughts captive" and make myself let it go. The enemy has worked hard to bring me down, but I refuse to harbor bitterness and anger like I did before. I don't like the me that was that way. I like the new me that is free and full of joy.

The first day that I had a bad day and was feeling down, I was frustrated cause I thought I was going backwards. But I took my thoughts captive and realized that it's ok to have a bad day every once-in-a-while. It's gonna happen. You just hold on to God for the day and know that tomorrow will be better. You wouldn't believe how it's helped me.

I've also learned that my spiritual "health" has a couple of factors in it.

One: my physical well-being affects my spiritual well-being
Two: my emotional well-being affects my spiritual well-being

So while I was sick this past week and feeling physically down, it affected me emotionally, which in turn affected me spiritually. So I was really fighting a battle to feel good all around.

I know, I have kind of went from one subject to another to another. It's been too long since I've blogged. That's what happens I guess. I have a challenge for you today. I want you to really think about it:

Are you truly free? Are you really content where God has you? Do you really have His true joy in your life?

Don't just answer these questions quickly. Sit down and really think about it. I want the best for you and so does God. I pray that you would find your answers to these questions and are able to change the answers if needed. God bless you and I hope you feel His hand on you today.