"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Friday, September 24, 2010


The last time I posted I told you about what's going on with us and our daughter. I have some good news to go along with that story. We talked to our daughters birth mother yesterday and without even being prompted to say it, told us that she wants us to keep her. She said that she cannot give our daughter the life that we can give her. So she was going to share this with our daughter and tell her to stay put. So in turn we promised weekly updates, pictures, dvd's of her activities (I video-tape everything already), and even a few visits.

To know that this woman really does love her birth daughter in this way, to give her up and admit that it's better here, makes me feel good. And to prove that I don't have hard feelings towards this woman, I am making her a scrapbook of the past two years with Martie. Who am I to keep pictures from her?

I still feel that we were supposed to give our daughter the option to leave. I also feel more than ever that I was supposed to be "Abraham" and prove that I would be able to "sacrifice" my daughter. But like that story, in the end, God provided another way.

I know sometimes God asks us to do hard things. And for me personally, it's hardest when He asks me to give something up. Even if I don't physically have to give it up, the idea of giving up on an idea, or just admitting that it's not mine to be selfish with, is very hard. I like to hold on to things. Like the idea of us having our own baby. I've had to completely give my desires up. And now that I truly have, I feel more joy than ever. Do I still sometimes want a little baby in my home? Absolutely! Am I ok if God never grants this? Yes, suprisingly I'm ok with this.

If I could challenge you with one thing, it would be this. If God is asking you to do something that seems impossible, don't hold off in doing it. Even if it seems like He's asking you to do something that doesn't make sense, there is a purpose in it. Trust Him and He will never let you down. I've been more blessed since I followed His leading in "giving-up" our daughter. He will bless you as well.

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