"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Holding on to God for dear life

Right now the title of this post says it all. I was hoping that I would not have any new personal stories to share about myself (just the old ones) but I guess God has another plan for me.

My husband and I were planning to start clomid this summer (still are I think) and while we were waiting to start it with my next cycle, I happened to get pregnant on my own. I knew I ovulated, but I wasn't sure if anything happened at the right time. It did.....and I was about 5 weeks along and just lost the baby. It started last night, and it's a said and done deal as of this afternoon.

I'm doing pretty good, a little disappointed, but otherwise good. I'm not sure if I'm still in shock or what. I expect there to be tears eventually, but for now I'm just trying to recover.

It's a big reminder to me how I need my Lord. He's the only one who can get me through times like this. And I'm not without hope. I know where my baby is. I know that he/she is in the arms of Jesus being rocked to sleep and hearing heavenly lullabies.

I still wish it was me doing it, but I couldn't ask for anyone better than Jesus to be holding my babies right now.

Even though I'm hurting right now, if you're feeling the same pain that I am (emotionally) know that my arms are hugging you right now...and not only my arms, but the same arms holding my babies are holding you too.

God bless you and keep you.

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