"I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart"

I'm posting this because at the moment I'm not feeling the joy down in my heart. And I think it's a good idea to remember the things we have to be thankful for that bring us joy. So I'm going to make a list of the things that I'm thankful for and that bring me joy.

-My husband (who is very understanding as far as men are concerned)

-I have a 14 year-old daughter who is growing in the Lord

-I have a very supportive extended family (I can cry with them whenever I want, and they are very compassionate when I'm having a hard time with someone else's pregnancy)

-I have a house to live in

-I have food to eat

-I can walk

-I can see, hear, smell, taste and touch

-The community I live in, is a very close-knit community and we support each other

-I have a great church family (who would help me through hard times if I would let them know I'm going through them)

-I have two very friendly dogs and a snuggly cat

-I have a vehicle to drive

-I have friends who love me and will sacrifice their time to come over, call, and cry with me when I'm feeling down (Thank you guys)

-I have 4 beautiful neices and 3 wonderful nephews (and one more on the way (possibely two)...not sure what the sex is yet)


-And last, but the thing I'm most thankful for, I have a God who loves me, who sent His son to die for me so that I could live with Him forever in Heaven

Now, I probably will be able to think of more as the day goes on and I might post more and add to it. But this is a pretty good start. If I can't feel thankful and full of the joy of the Lord after this list, then I'm just a lost cause.

Ok, your turn. I want you to share what you are thankful for. What do you have to be joyful about in life? It really does pick up your mood to think of these things. I'll be curious to see what you share. YOu never know, you might inspire others.

Lord, I'm sorry for being angry, depressed, and just plain upset. I know these are normal feelings, but please help me at the time of these feelings to remember what I do have to be thankful for. That I have your joy at all times even when I don't feel "happy." I pray that everyone can have a great, big, long list of items that they are thankful for. I love you and thank you for your forgiveness when I mess up.
Amen

Living Life

I had a good experience this weekend. I've spent the last few years bearing my grief on my own (other than the support of my husband). I didn't know anyone personally that could really relate to how I was feeling. Or so I thought. There is a woman in our town that has lost just about as many babies as I have. My husband found out that she had experienced this and told me that she would talk to me anytime. I'm the type of person who tries to hide what I'm feeling. I put on a mask that says to the world "I'm fine, no problems in the world at all." So I never talked to her about this, until this weekend. I was feeling kinda low, and she was online, so I started a conversation and asked her if she still grieved over her losses or if I was just abnormal. She was so good about talking to me. She reassured me that I was very normal and that I would probably miss them for the rest of my life. But she added that I should not let it consume my everyday life to the point that it affects things around me. At first I felt a little offended, but then I got to thinking....I let it affect everything around me. It's ok to miss my babies, and it's ok to grieve at times, but I just can't let it rule my life. That cheats my husband and my adopted daughter. So I've decided I'm going to live my life. I will miss them, but I will make sure I remember what I do have. What a good lesson to learn.

Ok, now I have something to get you involved. I don't know how many people read this for sure, but if you are one who reads this, I want to know you. I would love to see if this blog is speaking to anyone. If you read this blog send me a message and let me know a little bit about yourself. YOu can share some of your story, or just share something about who you are. I don't want this to be one-sided. You can e-mail this to the blog e-mail beautygladnesspraise@yahoo.com or leave it as a comment. I have it set up that the comments have to go through me before they get published, so if you do that and don't want it shared, I don't have to publish it. I will only share if you specifically ask me to share it with others. This will also give me a chance to put you on my prayer list. If you have a specific prayer request, let me know. This is not all about me....and I hope I never make it that way. Love you all!

Lord, I just pray for the readers, whoever they are. I know a couple of them that read this blog, but if there are others that I do not know, just touch them right now. God, use this blog for your glory, not mine. Speak to me on how to speak to others. Thank you for who you are and what you continue to do in my life and the lives of others. I love you so much.
Amen

February

Ok, I'm coming up on an anniversary date. I'm doing better than I thought I would be at this point. But we haven't hit the actual day yet. I'm not sure if it will be harder than I think, or if I'm actually doing better with things. I found a necklace that I want in a catalog yesterday. It has a larger pendant that has a cross on it, and then you can get different birthstone charms to add to it. I decided that I want this necklace to wear when I'm needing to remember my "angels." I can make a point to wear it on the rough days.

Sometimes the hardest thing about it, is that I feel like my babies are forgotten just because they weren't born into this world. My biggest fear is that they will be forgotten, or that they won't be considered a life just because nobody saw them. I know they were here even if just for a short while. Even if I never held them in my arms. They did matter, and they still matter to me and God. It may seem very corny to say, but I can't wait to get to Heaven and be able to hold them and spend eternity getting to know them.

One thing that I have learned through all of it, is that God never leaves my side. He's always with me, and He really does have a plan, even if it's not what I had planned. He sees what we can't, and that's where I have to trust Him. So far He has not actually let me down, even when I think He has. I thank Him for getting me through each day.

Lord, thank you for giving me the strength to bear what I've been through. I do know that you have a plan for me even when I don't understand it. I thank you for showing me just a few things so far that make your plan worthwhile even in the midst of my pain. I want to fully trust you, and be content where you have me. To know that you won't give me more than I can handle. I love you so much.
Amen