"...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:2b-3

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

God Still Workin' On Me

I had a bad day today. I don't say this because I want this post to be a "oh, woe is me.....pity me" kind of post. I want to share my day because even though it was a bad "earthly" day, I saw God work a small miracle in my life. I've been sharing the past couple days about some lessons God has shared after my "encounter" weekend. I'll admit that since my weekend with God, there's been a big change in me. My husband and girls have noticed such a big difference in me that they make comments to me how different I am. But do not be deceived. This doesn't mean my life has suddenly become perfect. I still falter, I still make mistakes. My change is the biggest in my attitude and my anger. I used to blow up at every little thing (and cussing was a part of it too) and then I would let my attitude be stinky for extended periods of time. I still have bouts of anger (for good reason sometimes), but not once have I cussed since my weekend. And like today, I may have rough days (and believe me I've had a few doozies since then) but they don't seem to last. Ok, back to my day. I had some hurtful words spoken to me. They were not spoken on purpose and the person didn't even realize that they were going to hurt me. In fact, they spoke out of some physical pain and in some weird way I think they were trying to pay me a compliment. A few other things happened after that. Normally these other things would not bother me, but when you've had a hurt, there's already a wound and it's very easy for someone to pour salt on a wound without meaning it. Normally, I would have blown up at these people. I would have cussed, yelled, thrown a pity party, and then put a post on facebook about how "insensitive some people are". But I didn't. I had an hour drive home after these hurts (and grocery shopping) and I spent the time just crying out to God. I literally was crying(sobbing) and praying. Telling God how alone I felt and that I just needed Him. That I didn't like feeling like this and I don't want it to control my life and to please take it away. Can you imagine how this looked to the people passing me...cause I was only going 62 on the highway? By the time I got to Scott City (1/2 an hour into my trip home) I was already feeling better. In fact, I was feeling better enough to share with one of those that had said words at the wrong time to me. I was able to explain my feelings and why I was hurt and that it was not them, it was just the timing of it all. Lesson for today: It's ok if you feel hurt when things are said or done. God never told us we had to be doormats. We are even allowed to be angry about things. It's when we take it too far and let it control us that it gets out of hand. If you can cry out to God and let Him truly have it, He WILL take it away.

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